It's not a bad hair day, it's just another day.

           

Something has been happening to me lately, and I wonder if people do the same thing.

            When I moved to Omaha, I only knew a few family members and high school classmates. Now, I have been here over a year, and I am getting to the point where I am running into people outside of their normal sector. Between Josh’s co-workers, my co-workers, and students at the school I work at, I am starting to recognize people. This is fine at Target or HyVee, but I hate it when it happens at the gym.
            I’m a loner when it comes to my sporadic trips to the gym. I don’t even care for the buddy system, and I really fear running into people I know.

There are a lot of reasons this fear is valid. First being appearance. Despite the steady decline of my looks, I’m actually pretty picky about my appearance. Normally, I feel I dress appropriately for my size, forgiving the occasional abundance of cleavage or legging. Yes, I do, on occasion, wear leggings, but only when my dress/tunic reaches to about my knees. I will never believe that leggings are actual pants. When that trend appeared, I said I would sit it out and wait for the next horrendous fashion item to come along. Then I decided that a few inches of cloth-covered confined flesh peeking above a wide-calf boot is better than a few inches of exposed doughy white leg. It’s really the lesser of two evils.

            Where was I? Oh, yeah. Anyway, I usually dress appropriately for my size, but it’s hard to at the gym. There is no such thing as an “a-line silhouette” in running pants. Any tops classified as “babydoll” are probably too skimpy for my workout preference. Besides, a babydoll top combined with my gut and the pathetic lack of intensity of my workouts make it more likely for someone to think I’m pregnant. Like I need another reason for people to think that. I’m just waiting for the day when someone tells me I shouldn’t be drinking beer in my “condition.”
            So, case in point, I look like common street trash when I’m at the gym and I don’t want people to know it. I don’t put on makeup and I wear my hair in a bun. I’m usually sweating, and sometimes I’m wearing some crappy t-shirt I got for free. I accessorize with pit stains and my really old shirts have a stale smell to them from too many workouts and washings. I don’t like people seeing me that way.
            Second, I don’t like people to see me struggling through a workout. I don’t like them knowing how easily I get tired, or how little I do, or how slow I run, or how my body is jiggling around when I’m doing pretty much anything. I just don’t like it.
            Lastly, overall, I just don’t want to socialize when I’m there. I want to get in, get out, and get on with my day.
            But my fears are being realized. I have discovered that several people I know socially and even professionally go to the same gym I do. I don’t run into people often, but when I do, I don’t seek them out to say hello. Actually, I will plainly ignore them.
            I have a young instructor at my school who is an avid gym-goer. As of late, we have become friends. I found out he spends about two hours a day at the gym I go to. He and a few students from my school, and a couple of friends, and that bartender at the bowling alley who said I “look good to him.” As I am getting back on the horse officially (I made it to the gym four times last week) I am starting to run into people more often. I saw my instructor friend a couple of weeks ago lifting weights as I was attempting to run. I decided not to stare, lest he feel the weight of it (yes, even my stares are heavy) and look in my direction. I pretended I didn’t see him and kept on with my run.
            Then I had to pee. Weird, right? I actually waited until he moved to a machine on the far side of the gym and went for it. As I came out of the bathroom, he was back on a machine by the path I had to take back to my treadmill. I turned up my iPod volume and quickly stalked back to my treadmill.
            I saw him later at work and I guess he had spotted me. In fact, he was shouting my name and trying to catch my attention. I felt bad, and told him that I didn’t want to disrupt his workout and I was in a hurry. This was all true, but it made me think about how often I do this. What is the big deal? What could possibly happen that would be so bad?
            Does anyone else do this? Well, this is my warning to you. If I see you at the gym, I will most likely not talk to you. It’s not because we are not friends, it’s because I’m an insecure slob and I will look for any out in our small talk.